Lucas Blogs About Bloody Rose

In the grim darkness of . . . oh, who gives a fuck?

So, what's this book's deal?

Okay, so what if—GET THIS!—what if there was a fantasy setting where bands of mercenaries were like rock bands and—GET THIS!—they put on shows in huge arenas and—GET THIS!—they lived hard on the road and—GET THIS!—they had legions of fans following them on tour but—GET THIS!—instead of playing music they slaughtered monsters in gladiatorial combat.

Well, I think I've got that and, I gotta say, that sounds kinda awesome. Or it would if you hadn't made such a big deal out of the parallels.

Huh, I wonder if anyone told Nicholas Eames that while he was writing this book. This is gonna be a short one. Because like Into the Drowning Deep, I didn't finish reading Bloody Rose. Unlike Drowning, I only made it about a fifth of the way in before giving up. This book kinda blows.

Kind of harsh for a book you barely started.

Speaking of getting started: Our protagonist, Tam Hashford is a bartender and waitress at a pub frequented by mercenaries and retired mercenaries. This doesn't really make that much sense since her father gave up mercenary work when his wife died and allegedly wants to keep their daughter as far away from that life as possible. Anyway, one night at the pub, her Uncle Bran introduces her to the members of Fable, one of the hottest mercenary bands on the scene, it seems old Uncle Bran has arranged for Tam to audition to be Fable's new bard (okay, I lied, mercenary bands do have someone to play music, mostly about how awesome they are). Anyway, Tam wows them by singing a song her mother had written (that's apparently gone on to become a standard), and manages to win over her father who not only lets her go but gives Tam her mother's old heart-shaped lute.

You can't see it but I just rolled my eyes.

Shush, we're almost done. This is followed by several repetitive chapters in which Fable travels to a new town, fights monsters, then parties hard. Mixed in are multiple references to other bands which have names punning on real bands or musicians, like the White Snakes or the purple-clad Prince of Ut. Funny thing, though, those other bands are all heading out to battle a horde of monsters led by a giant out for revenge. But not Fable, oh no, they've got a big contract out in Bumblefuck, Whogivesashitphalia.

Well that took an oddly bitter turn.

That's about where I gave up. Eames isn't a terrible writer. He's nothing special, but he's pretty good at throwing together an action scene, and he at least knows the cadence of comedic writing. But honestly, the conceit isn't nearly as clever as he seems to think it is. The whole time it felt like he was standing next to me saying, "Heheh, see what I did there? You get it? 'Cause it's like they're rock stars! But they kill things instead of playing music! Pretty good, huh?"

I can see how that would be annoying.

And what's frustrating is that you can see a more interesting book peeking around the edges. For example, Tam starts to feel uneasy about the wholesale slaughter of monsters in the arena, given that many of them seem to be sentient. And while it is possible that Eames goes onto develop those themes, I'll never find out because I found Eames's ain't-I-clever mugging insufferable.

It can't be that bad.

Maybe it's not, judging by the Amazon reviews, I seem to be in the minority of readers of this book. But I don't recommend it. Unless it sounds like your cup of tea. In which case go ahead.

Don't you have anything nice to say about it?

What are you, my conscience? Fine. In addition to not being terrible at action, Eames does good character work, particularly with Tam and her father, as well as with the mercenaries in Fable, each of whom at least hints at being more than a one-note joke. Like I said, he's not terrible, but the overall tone of this book doesn't vibe with me.

Bloody Rose by Nicholas Eames, Orbit Books trade paperback edition, August 2018, 510 pages (of which I read 130), pairs well with sex 'n' drugs 'n' rock 'n' roll and/or deciding to read something else instead.

Links:

Here's Nicholas Eame's website, if you're into that kinda thing.